Friday, February 19, 2010

Happy Birthday, Micah!

Dear one,

I want you to know that not all birthdays are as bad as this one has been for you. I am so sorry that your mommy was grumpy from lack of sleep and too many emotions this morning. I am so sorry that she thought you were just being a fussy butt when you didn't want to eat your lunch. I am so sorry that you woke up from your afternoon nap running a fever of over 100. I am so sorry that it kept going up after I gave you Tylenol. I'm sorry that we had to go to the after hours clinic, that you got your finger stuck, your throat swabbed, your finger smashed in between those chairs and that you got a mean old shot that hurt your leg (and hurt your mommy and Grandma's feelings so bad that they cried over it). I'm sorry that I didn't have a present for you today. I'm sorry that you have to wait until tomorrow to get your cake.

I am NOT sorry that you are in my life. I am NOT sorry you changed my world so much that my idea of fun on a Friday night is to give you a bath and a bottle and cuddle with you until bedtime. I am NOT sorry that I can't leave town without missing you like crazy and worrying about you every minute. I am NOT sorry that the idea of something bad happening to you sends me into a panic (because then I have another excuse to talk to Jesus), and that I would take any pain sent your way 10 times over if it meant you could escape it. I am NOT sorry that every day you wake me up earlier than I want to be awake, before I get my coffee and greet me with that gorgeous grin of yours. I am NOT sorry that your presence in my life has made me realize the urgency with which I should always pray against the terrors of Satan. I am NOT sorry that a large chunk of my prayer time is now devoted to your salvation and future walk with the Lord. I am NOT sorry that my main job is take care of you every day. I am NOT sorry that you are no longer a tiny newborn , but now a badly balanced toddler who loves to laugh, sneak Daisy your food and tell your mommy, "NOOOOO!!!!" as often as you can. And I am NOT sorry that I have to stay up tonight and bake your birthday cupcakes when I'm actually so tired I could fall out right here. Because I am truly, madly, deeply in love with a little red-headed boy's boy with two teeth and a pot belly.

Happy birthday, and here's too many more . . . HAPPIER birthdays.

Love,
Mommy

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Moving On

We will live here at 150 Sunflower Drive, Farmerville, Lousiana for three more days, and I never expected to feel so sad about it. I am really surprised by the nostalgia that seems to physically attack me as I pack all our belongings in prescription medicine and milk boxes. (My husband is a pharmacist at a grocery store.)


The truth is that I was afraid of this house when I first saw it. I remember the creepy feeling in my gut when we walked in and saw that the master bedroom had a deadbolt on it that could lock someone in the room. I remember how much I disliked the old man who sold us the house. I remember my extreme feelings of irritation at the outrageous amount of awful wallpaper the previous owners had put up and at the fact that they had stained the light-colored carpet with orange wood polish in many places. I also remember the hideous bathroom with it's black linoleum countertop and floor, brown oak cabinets, and cream, maroon and silver wallpaper. And when we finally decided that it was all we could possibly afford as we had no down payment and Brandon would be the sole breadwinner while I attended college, I still wasn't happy about it.

It became ours the day before I forever changed my name, and our family moved us in while we were off on our honeymoon. When we returned home, my husband scooped me up, and carried me over the threshold. Then began the task of making the house a home. We began with removing the gosh-awful wallpaper, and creating lots of passionate memories--passionate love and passionate fights, in cycles. We bought new furniture and borrowed some old. We unpacked and found places for all of those wedding gifts, some useful, some bizarre. A year later, we brought home a rat terrier puppy who pissed all over that light colored carpet, adding to the stains. And a year after that, we ripped up that stained carpet and laid down laminate flooring with our ridiculous tax refund, and from that point on, there never was a question of where Daisy was in the house. You can hear her loudly clicking her toenails from any spot within the prescribed 1,000 square feet.

This place saw old friends move away and the beginning of new, lasting friendships. It saw plenty of card games, plenty of chicken and hamburger dinners cooked on the George Foreman (I didn't know how to cook back then), dinner parties established right in front of the door (we have no official dining area), slumber parties (my guests would happily sleep on our living room furniture or air mattress), the beginning and expansion of a piano/voice studio, several strange diet attempts (the most radical being the elimination of gluten when I discovered my wheat allergy), and multiple Christmas parties. These walls witnessed three major heartbreaks, a university transfer, and a church change. They witnessed alternating periods of mania and depression from my end and a strong, steadfast love and growth from Brandon's end. They witnessed lots of laughter and soul-wrenching sobs and the pain and joy found in finding comfort in one another's arms. They witnessed lots of self-discovery--Brandon and I not only loved each other, we liked each other, too; I didn't want to be an English professor. I wanted to stay home with my future children, give lots of children the gift of music, and write a bit on the side; Brandon found that he was not only cautious, but adventurous, too and embarked on an spec-house adventure; I discovered that I loved the stage; Brandon discovered that major changes aren't always bad.

And then Micah was born. Here was a soul alive for the first time, and as a result, my soul found life again. My heart for the Lord had grown cold during the years of my college education, and when Micah came into the world, I experienced Him afresh. Over the past year (Micah turns 1 year old on Friday), this home has been more full with laughter and life than I would have thought possible when we bought this creepy thing five and a half years ago. Micah has grown from a tiny, squinty-eyed infant who could do nothing but eat, sleep and poop into a little boy who can say 8 words, light up the world with his belly laugh and captivate everyone in a room by his red-headed, fireball presence. And I was almost a dead soul that was about as unhappy as a person can be because I had tasted the joy of the Lord and had lost it. Then, by God's grace and infinite mercies, I slowly found my way back to the heart of the Lord and am once again experiencing the life He intends for all people--abundant life.

And this place saw it all . . .

And because of that, it will never be forgotten.

Praise be to the God who saw potential in this home when I did not. You are better to me than I deserve.

All Right Here

My blog is named after this song. I love this singer/songwriter. She is so real, and I relate to her music so seamlessly. If I had been gifted with the ability to write songs, hers are the kind of songs I would write.

It's every loss and every love.
It's every blessing from above.
Here I am all added up.
Oh, it's all right here..
It's what I know and what I'm guessin'.
It's half-truths and full confessions.
It's why I choose to learn my lesson.
Oh it's all right here..
And I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness.
No, it's all right here.
It makes me stronger and makes me wince.
It makes me think twice when I pick my friends.
Oh, it's all right here it's all right here..
It's caution and curiosity.
And it's all the things I never see.
Welling up inside of me.
Oh, it's all right here.
It's what is best and what is worse.
It's how I see the universe.
It's in every line and every verse.
Oh, it's all right here..
And I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness.
No, it's all right here.
It makes me stronger and makes me wince.
It makes me think twice when I pick my friends.
Oh, it's all right here it's all right here..
Every heart has so much history.
It's my favorite place to start.
Sit down awhile and share your narrative with me.
I'm not afraid of who you are..
I'm all here and you're all there.
Some of this is unique and some of it we share.
Let's add it up and start from there.
Oh, it's all right here..
Oh, I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness.
No, it's all right here.
It makes me stronger and makes me wince.
It makes me think twice when I pick my friends.
Oh, it's all right here.
It's caution and curiosity.
And it's all the things I never see.
Oh, it's all right here.
It's what is best and what is worse.
And it's how I see the universe.
Oh, it's all right here.
It's all right here.
Oh, it's all right here.
I'm all right here.
Oh, I'm all right here.
I'm all right here, alright..

--Sara Groves, from the album All Right Here (2002)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fire

And I will put this third into the fire,
and refine them as one refines silver,
and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”
--Zechariah 13:9

Has something, anything so thoroughly captivated your mind, soul and emotions that it seasons every thought, every action, every word? Has an idea ever hounded you, nipping at your heels relentlessly no matter where you turn or what you are doing? When something gets a hold of me like that, it is usually because the Holy Spirit of God has something massive to teach me. Lately, no matter where I study in God’s word, He brings me back here in Zechariah, where I’ve been stuck since before Christmas. If I try to leave, my mentor calls me back. I read ahead, and my mother has discovered something special there. Sermons not even based in Zechariah call me back to it, conversations bring its words to mind. I’ve memorized some of its verses without realizing that I’ve done so until God calls it to mind while I pray . . . “Ask the Lord for rain in the time of the latter rain” . . . “Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord of hosts” . . . “Do not fear” . . . “And I will put this third into the fire” . . . I always find my way back to the verse about the fire.

It’s an uncomfortable verse, this one. It is preceded by the Lord saying that after He deals with all of the people in the land, only a third will survive. This elite third is then thrown into fire. This fire isn’t hellfire, that much is obvious. It’s a fire that serves a purpose. There is so much application to be had here. A hundred people could read this verse, and each one could take away something different. That is the magic of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God working together—it is alive and vibrant. It speaks in all languages to all levels of understanding. 

Because God kept leading me back here, I began to pray for understanding of this verse. I asked Him to show me what I must take away from it. He’s not done with me yet—this verse is still hounding me--but I wanted to share what He has shown me so far. It’s a lot and it doesn’t necessarily follow the logic I’m used to, so strap yourself in. 

After finishing Zechariah, I read Malachi because that’s just what you do when you’re so near the end of the Old Testament. It was alright. Then I went back to Zechariah, which was awesome again. Then, when I thought God was done with me, I decided to go back to Ezra, a contemporary of Zechariah. Ezra gave me some much needed background and a healthy dose of perspective. Chapter 1 begins by telling us that the people of Israel had been released by King Cyrus of Persia to go home to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple. God had moved in the king’s heart, and God was sending the people home, releasing them from 70 years of captivity. So Ezra tells us about all the people who end up leaving, he talks about their AWESOME worship service on the way home, then he tells us about Israel’s pesky neighbors who can’t mind their own business. When the people get home and start rebuilding the temple, the surrounding cities decide they don’t like what they’re doing, so they threaten the people and convince a couple of kings to make them stop. So here’s the setup—the people are doing EXACTLY what God told them to do and were in the center of His will . . . and because of that their very lives are threatened. Out of fear, the people stopped rebuilding. Just because the neighbors opposed the rebuilding of the temple didn’t mean that God expected them to stop building, however. God began to speak to the people through Zechariah and Haggai, telling them, “Do not fear.” He urged them to rebuild and to expect His blessing. 

This small group of people, the one-third, was thrown into fire. And what had they done wrong (recently) to deserve it? Was it because they had sinned? Was it because they misunderstood the will of God? God answers the burning question that all of humanity has at one time spoken in the event of tragedy—“why?”—to refine them as silver is refined, to test them as gold is tested so that they would call upon God. And when they called out to Him, He answered them. The temple was eventually rebuilt. 

I recently listened to a sermon in which the pastor asked, “Who here believes that bad things can happen to you when you’re in the center of God’s will?” 

It’s true, you know. Bad things happen OFTEN when you’re in the center of God’s will. You can even DIE when you’re in the center of God’s will. Think John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, Stephen, the millions of martyrs who died last century alone and . . . Jesus Christ, himself.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
--Isaiah 55:8

Do we have a right to shake our fist at a Holy, Perfect, Loving God when bad things happen, when bad things happen over and over and over again? When bad things happen to others, do we have the discernment to judge if those things happen because they sinned? Here’s a thought—bad things often happen to those God treasures and who He seeks to make more like His Son, Jesus Christ, and rarely to people the Bible describes as wicked. (Psalms and Proverbs both discuss the prosperity of the wicked and the hardships of the righteous.) Bad things don’t always happen to punish us, they often happen to perfect us! So maybe we shouldn’t be so resistant to pain. And we should be very, VERY slow to judge.

A Christian man recently blamed the events in Haiti on the poor people who live there. He believes that the earthquake is the result of the sin of people. Funny, I didn’t hear ANYONE say that when 9/11 happened. Can you IMAGINE someone saying we DESERVED 9/11? I don’t understand where we Americans ever got off thinking we were better than the rest of the world. We so wrongly feel that we are an entitled people!!! I have news for us all—we are the most sinful nation in the world, for we are the most prideful. And if I am not mistaken, there is a significant number of Christians in Haiti, serving the Lord, loving Jesus and praising His name in the midst of their pain. How quickly this Christian man forgot them.

Haiti has been thrown in the fire. They are being refined as silver is refined, and tested as gold is tested. I believe their pain is not due to their sin, but due to the love of our Heavenly Father. I believe He has a REDEMPTIVE purpose in mind. I believe that He will use this tragedy for good. And I believe they are favored and loved by a compassionate and just God who “will swallow up death forever. He will wipe away tears from ALL faces. The rebuke of His people (sin), He will take away from all the earth. For the Lord has spoken. And it shall be said in that day, ‘This is our God, we have waited for Him and He will save us. This is the Lord. We have waited for Him and will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.’” The Lord Jesus Christ will get around to judging the world, for He is just and He has promised us justice. But for today, He is out to seek and save the lost and turn the attention of the world upon Himself to receive the glory and honor He so rightly deserves.
My perspective about fire has been changed. I cannot yet say that I do not fear it, but I can say that I welcome the heat if it means knowing God better, loving Him more and looking more like Jesus Christ on the other side. If it means this, fire is good. 

And this change of heart makes me wonder what exactly God is up to.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Allergies, Sensitivities, and Auto-Immune Diseases, Oh My!

I have been called or emailed or texted more than once by friends requesting advice for themselves or their friends when they are given the news that they must drastically alter their diets. Most people are clueless about how to properly nourish themselves if they have to do away with gluten. So how do they manage when they must stay away from gluten, dairy, soy, nuts, etc.? Fortunately for me, when I discovered my allergies, my mother had lived with them for 3 or 4 years already. The change was not easy, but wasn't as difficult as it could have been thanks to her. This post is my way of paying it forward.

Before I continue, know that your life isn't over and neither is your spouse's. You can create yummy, filling meals without gluten. All of the foods in this post are suitable to my personal needs--no gluten, nuts, soy, dairy and limited corn. If you have further allergies and sensitivities, you will want to check the ingredients listed with each item. This post will be a work in progress, and I will update it whenever I discover something new and delicious.

Glutino Crackers Original—Corn starch, white rice flour, organic palm oil, modified corn starch, dextrose, liquid whole egg, yeast, salt, guar gum, sodium bicarbonate, ammonium bicarbonate, mono and digycerides, natural flavor.
Glutino Crackers Vegetable—Corn starch, white rice flour, organic palm oil, modified corn starch, dextrose, liquid, whole egg, yeast, tomato powder, salt, oregano, garlic, guar gum, ammonium bicarbonate, sodium bicarbonate, mono and diglycerides, natural flavor.
Uses:
These crackers are delicious! The vegetable variety is my favorite. I use them as I would any cracker, but my favorite snack is these crackers topped with pepperoni, sprinkled cheese and diced jalapenos.
 
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Betty Crocker Cake Mix—Rice flour, sugar, potato starch, leavening, xanthan gum, salt. May contain soy ingredients.
Uses: The cake mix makes a fine cake, but I use this mix along with butter to top my favorite cooked fruit for cobbler. (You may also use a combination of rice flour, butter and sugar for cobbler.)
Ingredients:
Betty Crocker Brownie Mix— Sugar, semi-sweet chocolate chips (sugar, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, soy lecithin, vanilla), Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Rice Flour, Potato Starch, Corn Starch, Xanthan Gum, Salt. May contain soy ingredients.
Uses: I think that it's pretty obvious. I love it topped with homemade goat milk ice cream (see below for recipe).


Ingredients: Brown Rice Pizza Crust—Whole grain brown rice, potato
Uses: Use as pizza crust. It takes some getting used to, but it’s better than going without pizza. I recommend Paul Newman’s Sockarooni Sauce for your pizza sauce. I use aged goat cheese, pepperoni and veggies to top my pizza.



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Ingredients: Barbara’s Brown Rice Crisps—Organic whole grain brown rice, organic fruit juice concentrate (apple, peach, pear or pineapple), sea salt.
Uses: Cereal, Rice Krispie Treats (Watch your brand of marshmallows. Not all brands are gluten-free.)

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Ingredients:
Gluten-Free Pantry French Bread Mix—white rice flour, potato starch, corn starch, guar gum, granulated honey, salt, and a packet of yeast. May contain traces of soy.
Uses: It is my all-purpose bread, but it serves best as toast. I can’t use a lot of other mixes because the content of tapioca starch is too high. I have a sensitivity to it.
GF Pantry Brown Rice Pancake and Waffle Mix—brown rice flour, white rice flour, corn starch, buttermilk, granulated honey, baking powder (corn), sodium bicarbonate, salt, xanthan gum.
Uses: This mix makes the BEST pancakes!!

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Ingredients (Brown Rice Flour): Brown rice
Uses: It is so versatile. It serves well as a flour substitute in banana bread recipes, brownies (see recipe below), cobbler topping, and batters. I have fried venison, squash and goat cheese in brown rice flour seasoned with Tony’s seasoning.
Ingredients (Potato Starch): This stuff is my best friend. I use it to make my own cream soups so I can have casseroles (all processed cream soups contain flour) and gravy. Instructions for gravy are on the package. See recipe for mushroom cream soup below.


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Ingredients: (Kinnikinnick Donuts)—Icing (sugar, water, glucose, vanilla), sugar, white rice flour, tapioca starch, water, whole eggs, sweet rice flour, palm fruit oil (non hydrogenated), fructooligosaccharide, yeast, pea protein, egg whites, xanthan gum, fruit concentrate (dextrose, dextrin, fiber), salt rice bran extract, cellulose, baking powder (sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium bicarbonate, pea starch, mono calcium phosphate), glucono delta lactone, sodium bicarbonate, nutmeg.
Uses: With coffee. They also come in Maple glazed, Cinnamon, and Chocolate glazed. The Maple is my favorite, the Chocolate is my least favorite.
Ingredients: (Kinnikinnick Chocolate Cake Mix)-- Sugar, Potato Starch, White Rice Flour, Cocoa Powder, Sweet Rice Flour, Baking Powder, Guar Gum, Salt, Pea Protein, Sodium Bicarbonate, Pea Starch, Pea Fibre.
Uses: This is my favorite chocolate cake mix. It makes PERFECT cupcakes and a great birthday cake. Top with your favorite icing. I like vanilla icing on mine!
Kinnikinnick is a HUGE gluten-free company stocked with all kinds of goodies! Check out their site here: http://consumer.kinnikinnick.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/consumer.home.html

Ingredients: Brown rice.

Uses: Perfect substitute for grits. Good sweet, dressed up or with a simple dollop of butter.

Ingredients: Rice

Uses: Makes great Asian dishes. You can also buy the boxes with seasonings. The original flavor is free of soy. Add chicken, veggies, and crushed red pepper for a sweet and spicy treat.

Ingredients: Brown rice.

Uses: Use as you would any pasta. I love this brand because it is so hard to overcook. Other brands will disintegrate if you cook them too long. My husband never knew the difference when we switched, and you can get any kind of pasta you need in this brand (Tinikyada).

Ingredients: Brown rice.

Uses: As above, use as you would any pasta. This brand will disintegrate if overcooked, but I like it because it cooks quickly, and you don't have to cook the lasagna at all.
Ingredients: Rice protein.

Uses: If you are into protein shakes, fruit smoothies with a boost, etc, try this in place of whey. It is grainy, but it's better than itching or being ill.

Ingredients: Corn

Uses: Corn bread. Most cornbread mixes have wheat flour. This makes a yummy, but less fluffy version.
Ingredients: Brown rice flour, water, potato starch, canola oil, pineapple juice concentrate, peach juice concentrate, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, monocalcium phosphate), pear juice concentrate, salt, soy lecithin, defatted soy flour, guar gum.
Uses: These are great in lieu of Eggos. They are quick, and very good toasted in a toaster. They are not so splendid microwaved. I like them topped with blueberries and maple syrup.

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Ingredients: Goat milk.
Uses: Use the milk as you would any other milk, but decide carefully about desserts. Sometimes the milk taints the cake you’re trying to make. It is perfectly fine for banana bread, pancakes, scrambled eggs and savory cooking though. The aged cheese is also very good. When people say “goat cheese” they are usually referring to the fresh, crumbly goat cheese, which is great on salads and serves as a good substitute for cottage or ricotta cheese on lasagna. The aged cheese is good for pizza, lasagna and anything you would use mozzarella or cheddar for. Both brands are excellent (Meyenberg or Alta Dena).

Now, the holy grail of gluten free snacks!!!

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Ingredients: Snap pea Crisps—Green peas, corn oil, rice, salt calcium carbonate, ascorbic acid. Be careful! Peas are legumes!!!
Uses: They are advertised as salad toppers, but they are great with sandwiches or by themselves as a meal. They are very well balanced with protein, fat and carbs, and the main ingredient is peas!
Ingredients: Sorghum Flour; Grape, Apple and Pear Juice Concentrates; Brown Pure Cane Sugar; Date Paste; Chocolate Chips (Evaporated Cane Juice, Chocolate Liquor, Non-Dairy Cocoa Butter); Expeller Pressed-Vegetable Oil (Safflower Oil and/or Sunflower Oil); Water; Natural Rice Dextrin; Xanthan Gum; Baking Soda; Salt; Vanilla; Rosemary Extract

Uses: This little company is awesome. They make sure their foods are free of all of the leading allergens. No gluten, no nuts, no eggs, no casein. Check out Enjoy Life Foods here.



All of these foods should be available at your local health food store. If they are not, check to see if they can/will order it for you. And always tell your health food store merchants about your dietary needs. They can help you find lots of yummy products. Be prepared to spend a little more on groceries than you used to, but you will live. I promise.

In the meantime, do not underestimate the power of these:
Plain old rice and potatoes make GREAT starch substitutes. There are so many yummy potato recipes and you are only limited by your creativity when it comes to rice.

Recipes (kind of):

Mushroom Cream Soup (for casseroles):

Saute chopped onions and baby portabellos in butter and Tony's seasoning. Add goat milk (1 to 1 1/2 cups). Cook until warm again. Meanwhile, mix 2 T. of Potato starch with cold water. Add to milk, onions, and mushrooms. Stir until thick. Add to casserole.

Microwave Rice Flour Brownies:

2 eggs
1 c. sugar
1/2 t. salt
1 t. vanilla extract
1/2 c. butter, melted
3/4 c. rice flour
1/2 c. cocoa
1 c. chopped nuts (optional)

Beat eggs, sugar, salt and vanilla for 1 minute at medium speed. Add butter, continue beating. Mix in flour and cocoa at low speed. Stir in nuts. Spread evenly into greased 8 in. square dish. Microwave 4 1/2 to 5 minutes.

Homemade Goat Milk Ice Cream

4 eggs
2 1/4 c. sugar
6 c. goat milk (ready to drink)
4 cans goat milk (concentrated milk like Pet milk)
5 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. salt

Beat eggs. Add sugar and beat again. Mix in other ingredients. chill. Freeze in ice cream freezer. Serve plain or with Microwave Rice Flour Brownies.

Recommended Blogs:

http://www.enjoylifefoodsblog.com/
http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com/